No way Jose

This is one of my favorite drunk stories ever, Minus someone else's that involves a test (intentionally vague to inspire a post *hint*) and it just happens to be my story. So I'll start at the beginning, naturally.

I was at my friend's cabin we were drinking up a storm, I was drinking Captain and Root beer mostly, but for some reason decided to switch to Captain and Crystal Lite, don't ask why, everything seems to be a good idea when you party with the Captain. There were 5 of us drinking our souls away, Justin (his cabin) his GF Leah, Vanessa, and a girl I liked Melissa.

So we decided to do a shot and go swimming.



I chased it with water...why? because I was drunk and didn't like beer at the time. Take advice from me, don't ever chase with water. Anyway, the story unfolds...

Vanessa, Melissa, and myself go out and play on the water tramp and float in our life jackets having a good 'ol time, all the while Melissa and I get secretly flirty. So we all decide we are too drunk to know when we are too cold to go in, so we assumed that it was time to go in. before we died floating.

After we got in the other two had disappeared so we three decided shots were the way to go, Vanessa brings her good friend Jose to the table saying, "Tony you need to take a shot for me!" I agree and took it like a pro. A minute or so later, Melissa says coyly, "Tony take a shot for me." OK i agreed. Just then Justin comes down and pours me a shot he said I HAD to take this one, reluctantly, I did.
(Three shots + already drunk)10 minutes tops = [two paragraphs down].

For some reason someone says, welp I'm tired. Everyone agreed, I follow Melissa downstairs, everyone else goes upstairs.

So we start making out, naturally.

I later uttered a phrase I hope to never ever say again, "I think I'm too drunk to make out."

"ok" she deservingly frustrated replied.

So I laid there, with the spins for a good minute. and suddenly had "the feeling".

Up I went to the door in a flash, Where is the knob I think to myself. SHIT SHIT SHIT WHERE IS THE KNOB. im scraping at the door like a puppy at this point. Melissa says Are you ok? "yes" I reply.

Just in time to barf in my mouth. Somehow I managed to keep it inside, now I am redoubling my efforts to find the doorknob. swallow a litte puke, Number two hits. Still manage to keep it in my mouth though. By this time I'm using my forearm to find this god damned doorknob (because it will cover more surface right?) and still scrape franticly away at the door

If you've ever opened a bottle champaign you know what happened next when round three struck.


I barfed everywhere.


All over the wall, the floor, me, the door, everywhere. Melissa the gem now decided to turn on the light. I found the knob(i was looking on the wrong side of the door) bolted to the bathroom and unloaded the last of my Crystal light, Captain, Rootbeer, and Jose mix into the toilet.

Upon returning to the room I found Melissa cleaning up my barf, and Justin asking me if we were having sex. Very far from it in fact. So we cleaned it up. I apologized a million times, Melissa assured me it was ok, and that everyone does it. She ushered me into the shower, afterwards I put on some shorts and went to back to bed.

Only now I was way less drunk, and still very, *Ahem*....In the mood. So I rolled over and we picked up right where we left off. =) For the remainder of the night.

Without cleaning my mouth in any way.



And that, my friends, was the night that the Captain and Jose got in a huge fight in my stomach. I say that the Captain was victorious, only because I still can't drink Tequila to this day without smelling and tasting the barfy Crystal Light/Jose/Captain mixture.

Sorry it was long, but its one of my favorites, but I hope it inspired you Perfect Duluth Drunks.